Yes my friends, I am
referring to…
The Jungle Cruise.
Since day one, Jungle Cruise Skippers have been navigating
their boats through the jungle rivers of the world MURDERING innocent
Animatronic Hippos. For those of you who
have been following our blog for any amount of time, this is no longer
startling news. That is why it is so
important that we keep this ugly truth in the light. It is easy to slip back into 60 year old
habits.
In other recent news, Disneyland
has once again raised it’s ticket prices.
This is also no longer startling as the company has been steadily
raising prices year after year. In fact
one day ticket prices have increased 87% in the last decade. Critics have bashed Disney over the annual
price hikes without seeing any significant investment back into the park. Our insider contacts have uncovered why this
is, and it all links back to the Animatronic Hippos.
As we mentioned earlier the daily massacre of Animatronic
Hippos has been going on for nearly 60 years now. None of the pencil pushers at Disney could
have anticipated the long term popularity of this attraction. Long term sustainability was of no
concern. This was during the 1950’s when
Animatronic Hippo populations were at their highest historical levels. Fast forward 60 years to now. Animatronic Hippos are now on the verge of
extinction, which has driven up their costs exponentially. But that will not stop the Corporate Disney
Devils from “putting on the show” for their guests. With the 60th Anniversary of the
park just a few months away, the rivers of the world will once again fill with
the blood of endangered Animatronic Hippos, and we the public are paying for
it.
Over the last few months many of the Hippo deniers out there
have claimed that, “the Skippers no longer shoot AT the Animatronic Hippos.” What these nut jobs aren’t taking into
consideration are the cold hard facts of science that Disney does not want you
to hear. When the skippers fire their guns into the air to “scare off the
hippos” where do you think the bullets go?
What goes up must come down. And
with years of daily practice, the Skippers have gotten horrifyingly accurate at
shooting hippos this way.
Caitlin Wahlstrom
Co-Founder
Jeremy Kohrs
Co-Founder
Hang in there! We support you and the poor Animatronic Hippos! We would never have known of their plight without you! What can we do to help?
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